I cried my eyes out this morning. Literally. Contacts slid right out of my eyes, lashes clumped together and my vision blurred around me.
I sit at my desk, weeping now as I type. My sister says the older I get the more emotional I am, and I agree. I am more sensitive, but I think it’s more a result of how less sensitive the world is becoming.
Today, we awake to yet another senseless killing of a Black Man, #PhilandoCastile. Yesterday it was #AltonSterling. I’m tired yall. Been tired for quite some time. My heart still reels over #TrayvonMartin.
I think the thing that put me over the edge was the fact these men’s deaths were witnessed by their children. Alton’s son wept openly at the news conference with his mother. To hear that baby’s sobs, broke my heart. And then to watch the live streaming of the incident with Philando and hear the women’s 4 year old daughter say, “It’s O.K., Mommy. It’s O.K. I’m right here with you.” My spirit is broken.
How do we fix this, yall? I don’t know. We live is a society of desensitized culture. Watching bodies covered with blood, strewn about highways, covered on cold streets is a daily occurrence. We are no longer concerned with the HUMAN condition. We are busy validating our reason for arguing that “Black Lives Matter.” We are busy validating our Right to Bear Arms. We are busy refuting petitions that call for the removal of people from their jobs for using their Freedom of Speech. We are busy watching our electoral system become a 3 ring circus with moral-less candidates spewing hate-language like elementary school fairy tales.
These incidents happen and we all return to our rallying cry. Begging, pleading, “demanding” justice; but in the end, it never really comes. And when “right” is finally served, it’s always a day late and a dollar short. I’m tired yall.
I’m scared for my daughters. I’m frightened for my step-sons. I’m frightened for my own brother who was a victim of a system that was designed to destroy him, tag him for life and punish him when he was just a boy, as if he slayed the “Masta'” himself.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any solutions. I’m just in a state of befuddlement yall.
Today I cry. Hopefully we won’t add another name to the wall of senseless murders. But tomorrow, I pack away these tears. Continue to pray for God’s covering over my Children, my family and all those people that I’m connected with. I will continue to talk to them, try to be as honest and open as I can. And then I will find a way to take action.